Wound Up With A Tramp Stamp

Hey I Am Cassidy And This Is How I Got Branded. I Woke Up This Morning With A Pain In My Neck Next To Some Girl Whom I Don't Remember But Hey She Was Very Pretty. Then I Thought I Should Wake This Poor Girl Up And Remove This Shroud Of Awkwardness That I Had By Asking Why The Hell Was She In My Bedroom. You See I Had a Girlfriend Stacey Whom I Dated For 5 Years She was The Only Girl Whom I Did Well Anything With Excluding Kelly My Always Drunk Bestfriend. But Then Well I Had To Go So I Grabbed My Pants And Headed Out Only To See My Girlfriend Stacey Hooking Up  With some Steve (STEVE!!!) In The Shower. When She Saw Me She Didn't Even Care And Continued On With Her debauchery. Outraged As I Was I Left Her Alone Wondering What Had Happened Last Night. Gladly My Drunk Best friend Kelly (Who Says you Cant Have A Girl as a Best friend) Who Crashed On The Couch Filled Me In With The Details. And It All Came Rushing Back. Stacey Had Apparently Broken Up With Me With STEVE. God I Hated That Guy. He Was This very Nosy Dude Who Had Grudge Against Me For No Apparent Reason. I Mean He Was Good Looking. No Kidding, I Was Like A Butterfly And He Was The Freaking Lawnmower Who Chewed Me Into Bits. Well Steve Made A Move On Stacey (What Kind Of Self Respecting Guy Hits On Another Bro's Girlfriend.) And Being The Fabio That Steve Was Stacey Dumped Me Like Milk Way Past It's Expiry Date. I Was Down In The Gutter. I Drank Those Drinks You Find In  Bars With Those Little Fruits In Them. Kelly Was There Backing Me Up. She Is the best friend ever. Once She Protected Me From Like Six Guys No Kidding barehanded (Well She Took Her Top Off But Still It was A Win). So Long Story Short I Hook Up With Nancy (Mystery Girl In My Bed) And Well You Can Take A Guess At What Happened. Kelly Doesn't remember anything after that. Coming Back To The Present Then The Bathroom Became Noisy So I Closed The Door. Well Me And Stacey Live Together So she has to stay for a few nights. Why cant she just stay with  steve we are like neighbours but i was pretty depressed so i didn't argue. And That Was When Kelly Spot my Tramp Stamp. It Was A Butterfly coming out of my butt for god sakes. Anyways It Turned Out Nancy Owned A Tattoo Parlour (what are the odds Of that) And So She Thought It Would Been Fun And She Branded My Ass. This Was The Beginning To A Very Weird Day (Again)...